


Cornered

by Serpents_Sky



Series: Welcome to the Chaos Squad [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Eren Yeager is a Little Shit, M/M, Why was he friends with this asshole again?, a tale told by Jean, alternative universe, this is not a serious fic, with no respect for life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:06:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28033614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serpents_Sky/pseuds/Serpents_Sky
Summary: Levi and Eren had a fight.That wouldn’t be such a problem, if both weren’t so fucking stubborn.Somehow, it became Jean’s problem.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager
Series: Welcome to the Chaos Squad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2103549
Comments: 18
Kudos: 159





	Cornered

Eren and Levi had had a fight. Now, this wasn’t that unusual. Eren was, to put it mildly, _really_ fucking stubborn. And Levi had the charisma and gentle nature of a rock.

Add in the fact that Eren was always down to fight and Levi hated being told what to do, well…

They bickered. A lot.

But it never had been this bad. Let alone for this long. Neither Levi nor Eren was the type to let things lie. So everyone was at their wit's end, because, even a week later, the two refused to speak or even meet.

Jean had never seen Eren this down before. According to Petra, Levi wasn’t much better himself.

So yeah, even if Eren and him were often at each other’s throats, he was still Eren’s friend and wanted to see him be his obnoxious self again.

That _still_ didn’t explain how and why he was here.

He blamed Armin. Everyone who believed that guy to be innocent was delusional. Then again, you had to be at least a bit insane to be the so-called ‘best-friend’ of Eren.

"Why am I doing this again?" He asked to nobody in particular.

“Because Eren has been sulking for a week and it’s driving you insane”, Connie offered.

“Besides”, Eld added from the front seat. “Isn’t that what friends are for?”

No, Jean thought through gritted teeth. Friends were people you hung out with. Who you told emotional shit during the nights where the rest of the world seemed to stop existing.

Friends did not, in any way or shape, work together and plan an entire trap- one that involved a fucking kidnapping of all things- just because a certain friend couldn’t fess up and talk to his boyfriend.

Unless you were friends with a suicidal moron and your entire life had taken a turn for the worst ever since the first meeting.

He should have turned around as soon as he saw Eren pick a fight with someone twice his size.

Maybe _then_ he would have escaped this insanity.

“Wipe that look off your face”, Connie said, way happier than the situation called for. “We’re already here anyway. If you wanted to run, you should have done it an hour ago.”

Or five days ago, he thought sourly. That was how long they had been planning this. Which, and he couldn’t press this enough, was completly insane. 

He opened his mouth to say so, just in case Connie forgot, but the boy poked his side harshly.

“They’re here”, he hissed.

And indeed, the man of the hour came walking out the building, chatting with Reiner.

Against his will, Jean frowned. Eren, well… He looked rough. The rat’s nest he called his hair was even worse than normal.

Connie poked his again, harder, and with a sigh, he moved. Time to face the music.

“If it isn’t the bastard”, he said, stepping out the car.

“Hey, Horse Face”, Eren greeted blithely, holding up his hand for a fist bump. “What’s up?”

Jean returned it with force.

Good. It looked like he wasn’t suspecting anything yet. Still-

“Just get in. We have places to be.” 

Better to hurry things along. Eren wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, but he had the instinct of a rabid animal.

Eren just rolled his eyes- and with it, brought attention to the dark circles under them.

“Yeah, yeah”, he said dismissively, as he stepped inside. 

Jean exchanged a look with Reiner. So far so good.

Inside, Connie had started babbling a mile an hour, keeping Eren’s attention on him, as they both got back in the car.

Jean let out a silent sign of relief as the last door closed.

“Where are we going anyway?” Eren asked as Reiner started driving, mercifully keeping his attention on Connie.

Reiner hummed, noncommittally.

"So a surprise”, Eren said, wary.

Jean wanted to be insulted by it, but it wasn’t like he was wrong to mistrust them.

Eren leaned forward, turning to look at Reiner. “You sure you don’t want to tell-“

Jean knew the exact moment Eren realized what was going on, because he _froze_.

Eld met Eren’s eyes.

Time stopped.

Then, all hell broke lose.

Eren was stubborn. He was hotheaded, idiotic, and truly deserving of the title suicidal bastard.

He was also extremely thickheaded. If he didn’t want to do something, making him do it would be like dragging along a horse. A horse that dug his hooves in and was ready, and willing, to bite someone’s hand off.

So the only way they could count on him not running away or jumping out of a window was by locking him in a closed space that he couldn’t escape from without suffering severe injuries.

Clearly they underestimated him.

Eren was seated in the middle, which was a good move on their part, because that way he didn’t sit right next to a door. What they didn’t think about was the simple fact that out of all their friends, while very good at attracting attention, Connie was one of those with the least muscle mass, and _not_ one of the few that Eren considered off his Hit-Shit-List.

All in all, when he dove for the car door when the car was already moving thirty miles an hour they shouldn’t be surprised.

But they were.

And that was a mistake.

Connie let out a shriek and pushed him away, but it was a second to late. The door opened, and if not for Jean, Eren would have crawled right over Connie’s lap to his death. Jean yanked Eren back whilst Connie closed the door with a hard ‘bang’.

“ARE YOU INSANE?!”

Eren didn’t even seem to hear him, diving towards the door again. Connie moved, blocking it with his body.

Eren, once again, did not care.

The backseat turned into an all-out brawl. Them, versus their feral friend.

“Would you quit it!” Reiner screamed. “I already put the child lock on the doors.”

Eren hesitated for a second. The next kick was aimed at the window.

“Are you really willing to kill all of us, just so you don’t have to see Levi”, Jean screamed, barely managing to ward of one of the brunet’s legs. The other however, brushed against Reiner’s shoulder, and the car lurched to the side.

Why were two of the strongest people sitting in the front again? Oh yeah, because Reiner was one of the few that bothered to get a license, and Levi – and by extension Eld- was someone he didn’t want to see badly enough to try to commit mass murder over.

“Oh please, you traitors!” Eren screamed back, his elbow hitting Connie somewhere in his belly, if the ‘oof’ forced out was any indication. “I was willing to jump out of a canoe in the winter just to prove a point. This is nothing, you egg shelled horse fucker.”

“That doesn’t make any sense, you bastard.”

“Oh right, my bad”, Eren spat. “Your mother was the horse fucker.”

Oh, that was it. Jean gave up on protecting the driver and dove for the little shit, getting a knee in the ribs for his trouble.

When they finally managed to subdue him, they were almost at their destination. Connie ended up placing his legs over Eren’s torso, his neck forced into an awkward position that probably already had started to cramp. Jean had moved all his weight on Eren’s hip, his upper body and arms locking Eren’s arms into place. Eld had finally made himself useful, after the second kick nearly sent them crashing into another car, and held Eren’s legs into a death grip.

Now his entire body was trapped, Eren had taken on swearing and cursing their whole bloodline. He particularly seemed to curse Eld’s ancestors, so Jean figured their friendship would recover.

Reiner brought the car to a stop and everyone sighed in relief. They had finally arrived at their destination. They didn’t even die.

Yet, nobody made a move.

“Guys”, Connie finally said hesitantly. “How are we going to get out?”

Eren barked out a hard laugh. “You guys are fucked”, he cackled.

Jean gritted his teeth. He wasn’t wrong.

Connie alone was a problem. Although his legs were used to pin Eren, he was using his arms as leverage to keep the stronger male actually still. And if Reiner opened the car door, Jean was pretty sure that Connie’s upper body would fall out and he would crack his head open on the concrete.

Reiner was the only one who could move to begin with. If any of the others stepped out, he was pretty sure that Eren would make a break for it.

He suddenly noticed how everyone was looking at him.

Fuck. He _hated_ being the smart one.

“Can’t Eld get Levi or something”, Connie said, voice tense.

Reiner turned to him, eyes wide in disbelief.

  
“Are you kidding me?! Have you met either of them? They will wreck my car and make a run for it. 

“Well, we can’t stay like this forever”, Jean bit. “And I refuse to have risked my life for nothing.

"There is no way I can drag Levi away from his apartment anyway", Eld added before a fight could break out. "He has been holding a cleaning marathon. If I try to remove him from his apartment, he'll break my wrist."

Eren was just watching it all proceed, like the twisted sociopath he was.

He really wanted to punch the smug smile of his face, but unfortunately, both hands were used to hold Eren down.

"Reiner", he spat instead. His greatest revenge at the moment was to drag Eren towards Levi, kicking and screaming. "My door can open. After you open the door, I want you to take Eren’s legs from Eld."

Reiner was one of the stronger ones in their friend group, only outclassed by Mikasa and maybe Annie. He could hold Eren down, even from that odd position.

"Eld will get out of the car", he continued. "After that, we’ll drag him out by the legs. Eld will help me with his arms."

Eren scoffed. "Even if you managed to get me out, what then? He spat. Do you really think Levi wants to see me. If he hears my voice, he won’t open his door."

His lip twitched up. "I bet you that he won't even stay inside. He can scale his buidling, no problem."

Eld smiled, something very close to a grimace. "Your friends haven’t been the only ones planning. Hanji is there, right now. Levi won’t leave."

And with that ominous statement, they moved into action.

After a lot of yelling, some threats and a couple more bruises, they were all out the car.

Eren was bungling in between Ed and Reiner, Reiner holding his feet and Eld his arms.

Pissed didn’t even get close to the look on Eren’s face.

Still, the male had fallen silent, which made the alarm bells go off inside Jean's head. Eren was at his most dangerous when silent.

His eyes moved slowly, almost lazily, making sure to make eye contact with each and every one of them. His eyes glittering dangerously.

"Eren", Reiner said in alarm. "Don't you _dare_ -"

As per tradition, Eren didn't listen. He opened his mouth, inhaling deeply as he did so, ready to reach the earsplitting decibel level he was so infamous for.

With lightning speed, Connie took something out of his bag and shoved it into Eren’s mouth. The brunet choked, trying to hack it up and failing miserably.

"Sasha’s contribution", he explained, gagging Eren with the viciousness one acquired after a near death experience. "One of her taffy balls."

Eren snarled, anger still clear through, what Jean suspected, thousands of calories. Not loud, though, and that was the important part.

If Eren wouldn’t kill them for the kidnapping, he wouldn’t kill them for this.

And so they entered, Eren swinging in between Eld and Reiner, Jean opening all the doors and Connie shoving more candy-glue in Eren’s mouth.

He didn’t know what they must have looked like from an outside perspective, but he was sure it was absolutely demented.

When they finally arrived at Levi’s door, Hanji was already waiting for them, wide smile on their face.

"You’re here!" They cheered. "And you brought the loot!"

They eyed Eren with fascination. "I can’t wait to hear the story behind this one."

"Hey Hanji", Eld greeted. "How’s Levi?"

Hanji threw their head back and laughed maniacally. "Absolutly murderous", they said happily. "I dropped my coffee all over the floor. And spat on all his windowsills. He's gotten so mad he can't suspect a thing."

Jean’s eye twitched. He never saw Hanji as fully human to begin with, but if they were, they definitely were dropped on their head as a baby, causing them to loose all their common sense. And fear of death.

"Okay:, Eld breathed. "Great. That’s… great."

"I know! I'm a genius." They crouched until they were on eye-level with Eren, patting his check lovingly.

"Don’t you worry, sugar. This is for your own good."

Eren was probably frothing underneath the six layers of taffy.

"Now", they continued, jumping back up with a bounce. "Levi threw me out after I pushed the coffee off the table, with the order to get more detergent. Which makes everything so much easier, really. We’ll ring the doorbell and when he opens it, we throw Eren in."

"Throw?" Connie said weakly.

"Yes. Throw."

Reiner looked down at Eren, at the door and back to Eren.

"Are you sure that’s a good idea?"

Hanji shrugged, unconcerned. "They’re made of stronger stuff. Something like this won’t hurt them."

Nobody could deny that. Also, Eren’s pity points had dropped into negative ten as soon as he nearly caused them to crash into another car.

Connie dropped one last ball into Eren’s mouth as a precaution- and a bit of spite- as Hanji pressed the doorbell.

The door swung open with force, revealing a steaming Levi, dressed up in his usual cleaning clothing.

"Finally back, you useless piece of shit-"

Levi took in the sight, eyes widening a fraction. They didn’t give him a change to get over the mental error he seemed to have. With a hard swing, they threw Eren into the apartment, his larger body bowling Levi to the ground.

Hanji slammed the door shut, locking it with a key they got from God knows where and barricaded the door with a chair that seemingly appeared from thin air.

"That should hold them", they chirped happily.

A beat passed.

"Levi is going to kill us, isn’t he?" Connie said, voice heavy with dread.

Hanji just laughed, slamming their hand harshly into Connie’s back.

"And Eren will kill us, so it’s fine!"

Jean’s eyes glided over the group, before turning on his heel and stalking away.

"I need a drink", he murmured. 

Fuck his life.

In the end, it all worked out. Levi and Eren walked through the door without trying to maim or kill each other, so Jean assumed they had talked it out. Or fucked it out

Normally, the thought would have been disgusting, but after today, he was too exhausted to care.

Eren was a freak. No news there.

He was just happy it was over.

Eren didn’t even punch them, which basically meant they were forgiven.

One thing was for sure.

He was _never_ doing this again.

**Author's Note:**

> Jean mentally chanting this whole fic: I do not know these people, I do not know these people, I do not- 
> 
> This is my first fic, so please drop a kudos or a comment.


End file.
